Men always seem to outnumber the ladies. Be on the lookout for large groups of guys sitting in the VIP section with several bottles of liquor on their table. They’re likely celebrating a bachelor party and are hoping girls will join and drink all of their alcohol.
There are plenty of nightclubs to choose from in Las Vegas, but if you can’t decide where to go, try a nightclub from this list:
- Vanity (Hard Rock): larger club, crowded but not overstuffed, big dance floor, good music, VIP area easily accessible.
- Pure (Caesar’s Palace): huge club, Pussycat Dolls cabaret showroom attached, three different DJs, top floor is outdoors.
- Tryst (Wynn): waterfall in the middle of the club, part of the club is outdoors, small and a bit cramped on weekends.
The lines can be a bit ridiculous at nightclubs (especially on weekends!). Sometimes the wait is an hour and sometimes it’s as long as three hours. Even the VIP line will be jammed. Getting a VIP host to escort you into the club will save you so much time and headache. And opting for bottle service at the club is a nice perk, saving you from the lines at the bar and giving you a table and space of your own. It’s a bit pricey, but so convenient.
The great thing about live music venues is that there’s no pressure to dance. If a guy is sitting down at a club, you can’t help but feel a little sorry for him. But if he’s sitting down at a live music venue, its okay – he’s just chilling and taking it all in.
Try one of these spots:
- Carnival Court (Harrah’s): outdoor venue with a big stage and flair bartending.
- Piano Bar (New York New York): a bit loud, but has a calm, dingy NYC feel.
Why not try a cabana? It’s like having your own table in a nightclub. You can relax and go in and out of the shade. It’s great to have a home base and a cocktail server.
Here are a few highlights:
- Mandalay Bay has sand, waves, and waterfalls – perhaps the best pool in town.
- Flamingo has flamingos and penguins on display, the pool sprawls, and there are lots of little water slides.
- MGM and Monte Carlo both have lazy rivers.
- Wynn pool is accessible by flashing your room key. The room keys are identical to the player’s cards, so if you just stop by the Rewards Center and have a player’s card made, you’re in.
Every casino has four basic offerings: café, buffet, steakhouse, and fast food/deli. In the higher end casinos, you can find staple Italian and French restaurants as well.
My hands down favorite restaurant (and it’s not too pricey) is Mon Ami Gabi at the Paris. You can make reservations for the indoor seating, but the better place to sit is outside and that’s first come, first serve.
If you’ve got a group of six or more girls, you can get a free dinner and round of drinks at Lavo (Palazzo) or TAO (Venetian) when they’re running the ladies promotion. The dinner isn’t bad and it’s a great way to start an evening.
The café is open 24/7 and typically offers breakfast items, Asian noodle dishes, and a variety of entrées that look normal coupled with a side of fries. The café is unlikely your ideal setting for a romantic and delicious meal, but if he asks you to eat there, don’t write it off just yet. It’s typically the only restaurant in a four or five heart casino that (1) is open; (2) doesn’t require a reservation or a four-hour wait; and (3) delivers a bill for two in the double digits. The café is a wise decision if there’s a possibility you may be required to participate in the bill paying process.
Toiling with Death
Nothing says hot date like adrenaline pulsing through your body. If you can’t find that high naturally, try toiling with death for a quick, artificial jolt. The best thrills are found on top of the Stratosphere. Some rides dangle you over the edge then pretend to fall and others shoot you up super fast. If you scare easily, you may pass your fun threshold and go straight to terror. The Sahara has a quick rollercoaster called Speed. It is a very short ride, but it’ll get your heart pumping and you’ll leave with an elevated mood. I’m not a fan of the rollercoaster at the New York New York. I don’t even pay attention to the ride because I’m so focused on stabilizing my neck and avoiding whiplash. There’s an indoor skydiving center on The Strip close to the Riviera. Never tried it, but it’s likely a good time.
If you’re getting him to take you to a show, he must really like you. Or you must be over 50 years old. It’s not your typical tourist date scene.
Vegas shows come in the following categories: (a) Story Line, (b) Singing, (c) Magic, (d) Artsy, (e) Topless, (f) For the Bachelorette Party, (g) Afternoon, (h) Dinner Included, (i) Comedy. If you’re trying to kill an afternoon, Mac King (Harrah’s) has an amusing show. I went with my mother and my grandmother and I can’t think of another show, movie, or function that we all three agreed was entertaining. The Mentalist (Planet Hollywood) puts on an intriguing mind reading act. For an artsy show, try Love (Mirage) or for sexy artsy, check out Zumanity (New York New York).
Really? A museum on a date in Vegas? Well, sorry ladies, but the Elvis-O-Rama and the Liberachi museum have both closed their doors. You can visit Madam Tussauds (Venetian) and look at wax sculptures of celebrities. Or you can try the new erotic museum at Déjà vu (strip club on Industrial, near Treasure Island).
Romantic Spots to Pop the Question
During the majority of the year, Las Vegas has fabulous nighttime weather. Have him take you for a stroll around the outside of Caesar’s Palace or, for a little more privacy, try walking through the tropical pool area at the Flamingo. If you want to try to find your own quiet spot among a crowd of people, the bar on top of the Stratosphere or the Voodoo Lounge at the Rio are both great options.
(RED ALERT: this can happen to you at little Church of the west) The bulk of the 24 hour wedding chapels are located in the seedy area between The Strip and Downtown either on Las Vegas Blvd or the surrounding side streets. Have a taxi or a limo pass through the area and decide which looks best. You can opt for a quick drive thru wedding. Or maybe you’re interested in a themed wedding so you can dress as a super hero or your favorite Spice Girl. Were you hoping to have an Elvis impersonator marry you? If you can dream it up half drunk on a Saturday night, Vegas has probably been selling it in a package deal for years.
You’ll have to get a marriage license at the downtown courthouse to make the wedding official. This branch of the court house recently changed their hours and they close by 2am. Any wedding chapel can definitely provide you with directions.
Spend His Money Shopping
The most extensive shopping is either at Fashion Show Mall (across the street from Wynn) or the Forum Shops (Caesar’s Palace). If you’re on more of a budget, try the Miracle Mile (Planet Hollywood). They don’t offer stores such as Channel or a Ferrari dealership (Wynn), but you can find some nicer shops and still buy two pairs of knockoff sunglass for $20 from a Kiosk.
Spend His Money at the Spa
The hotels on The Strip all have gorgeous, overpriced spas. Canyon Ranch at the Venetian and the Spa at Wynn are known as the two nicest spas in town. But really, any where you go should have an elegant, calming ambiance and hopefully a great massage.
…IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME
A divorce ends a marriage but an annulment treats a marriage as if it never happened. There are four common reasons for having your marriage annulled. Reason one: misrepresentation or fraud. Perhaps you gave him your stage name instead of your real name when you met. Reason two: concealment of a major issue prior to getting married. If you neglected to tell him about your leather addiction prior to saying your vows, it’s definitely grounds for an annulment. Reason three: refusal to consummate the marriage. If you don’t put out, you can annul. Reason four: significant misunderstanding. Drunk in Las Vegas at 2am and wedding a stranger definitely sounds like a significant misunderstanding. Just return to the court house and fill out some paperwork. The same place you got the license is the same place you’ll return it.
- Gamblers Anonymous: 702-385-7732
- Sex Addicts Anonymous: 702-212-7599
- Sober Living Half Way House: 702-965-2819
- Intervention Hotline: 800-559-9503
- Drug Rehab: 702-789-0841
- Laser Therapy to Quit Smoking: 702-682-8135
- Leather Addictions: 702-558-2223
- Dirt Addictions: 702-873-5092
An easy to remember number is: 888-JAIL-SUCKS. Or try You Ring We Spring. English: 702-433-JAIL. Spanish: 702-368-BOTE. Ask for a student discount.
The Gun Store (www.thegunstorelasvegas.com) specializes in firearms, body armor, pepper spray, quality knives, police supplies, handgun rentals, tasers, and stun guns at their shooting range. You can fire 9mm sub-machine guns (H&K MP5, Colt M16, Israeli UZI, and German MP40), .45 sub-machine guns (M1A1 Thompson and M3A1 Grease Gun), and .223 machine guns (M16 and AK47). Practice onsite in an air conditioned range to get your aim down.
Leave Vegas Quickly
If you’re staying at the south end of the strip, your best bet is McCarran Airport. You can get there easily and make your escape. If you’re further north and want to try something a little more seedy and unconventional, the Greyhound departs from downtown, close to the Freemont Street Experience and other Las Vegas attractions.
Male Strip Clubs
Chippendales (Rio) and Thunder from Down Under (Excalibur) are the most popular of the mal¬e review shows. If you’re looking for a strip club where you can fill a stripper’s jock strap with dollar bills, the shows are not the place. Check out a strip club. Olympic Garden (on the strip, just past Sahara) has ladies stripping downstairs and men stripping on the second floor.
The most popular swingers clubs are The Green Door and The Red Rooster. They sit side-by-side in a seedy strip mall that consists of a hockey rink, a church, a movie theatre, and several Asian restaurants. This complex is on E Sahara just before Maryland Parkway (if you’re driving from The Strip). Ladies get free entrance, and if you just walk by the building, employees will try to lure you in. Ask for a tour. You can see all sorts of cheesy, kinky sets where strangers come to copulate.
Prostitution is legal in the state of Nevada, but only in sparsely populated counties. Las Vegas is in Clark County and has too big of a population for prostitution to be legal. But one county over, there’s a town called Parump and you can find brothel after brothel after brothel. Famous Madame Heidi Fleiss made international headlines when she announced she’d be opening a brothel that catered to women. I never believed that she’d make any money if she expected females to buy male whores. I could see a gay guy buying one, but the ladies… Hmmm. No. Well, Heidi hasn’t opened this brothel yet, but perhaps it’s to come in the future.
TOO BROKE TO LEAVE?:
Downtown is the place to pawn your valuables. For customer convenience, there are a few shops within walking distance of the Freemont Street Experience. Their target audience is gamblers who are chasing the last dollar they lost, so the prices they’ll offer for your valuables will not be competitive. Try some of the pawn shops on Las Vegas Blvd between The Strip and Downtown. If you’re looking to buy outdated electronics, these stores are your best bet. Some of them have windows with bars for the full seedy experience.
Be a Stripper
All you have to do is stand in a long line, write your criminal history on a piece of paper, get fingerprinted, and you’ll be issued a non-gaming Sheriff’s Card allowing you to work at any strip club in town. It’s pretty easy to get a job in a strip club, as the strippers pay to work there. It’s a perfect set up for club owners. They charge a cover and ridiculous drink prices, getting money from customers. Then they charge their employees to go to work, making money on that end as well. The strippers tip out the security guards, saving the club the expense of having to pay them. But despite the payroll shadiness, there is a lot of money to be made in these establishments if you’re willing to hustle and shake your ass. And you’re a local. Stripping is a perfectly respectable job for a local Vegas girl. If you need practice shaking it and dancing with a pole, there is a Stripper 101 class offered at Planet Hollywood.
Get Involved in the Community
Well, it looks like you’re here to stay so you may as well get out there and get involved. You can go to the Area 51s baseball games during the summer. They’ve got pretty decent beer specials on Fridays. The Wranglers play hockey at the Orleans. You’re a local now so go out and cheer for them. Spend the first Friday of each month in the Arts District on Charleston and Main. You’ll want to start looking into botox and you should reconsider the size of your boobs. Do you really think they’re big enough for this town? Oh, and whatever you do, never ever stop at a yellow light. Hell, don’t even stop if it’s red sometimes. Just go with the flow. Welcome to fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada.
“by Huseyin Polat“